Feb 18 2017

by Heidi Leon Monges

On grieving and healing

sunset over the mediterranean sea

Many things have passed since my last entry. Some ok, some good and some really bad. You see, in my March and April favorites post of 2016 I shared with you the news about my pregnancy. At that time I was already at the end of my second trimester, and baby was planned to arrive by late August. However things weren’t as planned and I went to labour in mid July (33 weeks).

sunset over the mediterranean sea

As some of you realized after the absence of news, our baby boy didn’t survived.

The following months after our baby was gone have been a mix of pain, anger, fear, deception, depression and emptiness. Sometimes those emotions arrive in waves, others they arrive altogether, like a tsunami. So let’s call it hell on Earth.

We are slowly recovering, firstly physically which is not the hardest part (the female body is amazing after all) the toughest is as you can imagine internally. To heal from such loss is gonna takes us forever, or at least it feels like that. To expect that we will be the same persons we were before our baby D is not possible, but we are aware of that and we are only betting and actively working to feel better each day, you know like AA.

Today we are in a better and brighter place.

We are starting to laugh.

We are making peace with life.

And definitely we are learning to love life.

Again.

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12 Comments

  1. Bea Roque says:

    Mi querida Heidi,

    He notado la ausencia de fotos estos meses y no me he atrevido a preguntar. Acabo de enterame. Lo siento tanto. ….

    Pasé por dos abortos al final del primer trimestre, pero por supuesto nada comparable a lo que habéis pasado vosotros. Nunca se olvida, nunca se cura, pero se aprende a vivir de otra manera.

    Un beso muy muy fuerte y un gran abrazo

    Bea

  2. Liren says:

    Dear Heidi,

    The sorrow and loss you have been experiencing is something where words can never be enough. I will keep you in my heart and prayers and hope that as you follow your life’s path and new adventures you will be continue to heal and and find peace.

  3. Irina says:

    Dear Heidi,

    I didn’t imagine you both were going through such difficult times, I am deeply sorry for your loss, cannot imagine the pain and feelings you are experiencing , I just want to tell you that I am with you, my heart and thoughts are towards you and your family and sun and love and joy will flow again into your life. A big hug, Irina

  4. Dear Heidi, I had no idea you went through such a painful experience. I cannot say I know what you are feeling, since my experiences were not that way but still, I can feel your pain and I know the emptiness you are talking about. Definitely speaking up was one of the toughest challenges during the healing process but also so liberating and therapeutic. I’m glad you are in that place now. I can tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel and the best is yet to come.

    I send you warm hugs and lots of love

    • Hola Michelle. Yes, definitely speaking up about our loss was something it took me forever to face, and it was very painful but now that is out I am feeling much lighter. Also, learning that other women have suffered similar experiences it makes me feel less alone in this. Gracias bonita por tu mensaje.

  5. Elena says:

    Querida Heidi! Yo me lo imaginaba, al notar la ausencia de fotos del bebé, así que me temía la peor…. Solo puedo decirte que lo siento enormemente, pobrecita mía!!!!!!
    Yo perdí mi primer embarazo a las 9 semanas, pero eso no es comparable con lo vuestro, no quiero ni imaginar por todo el proceso que habréis pasado y que seguiréis pasando. A mí me tomó tiempo recuperarme, tanto física como mentalmente, pero todo llega. Cuídense y quiéranse mutuamente, que es lo que toca. Y a pesar de todo, ten fe en la vida, que puede ofrecerte cosas maravillosas, a pesar de estas “putadas”. A mí luego me trajo mellizos

  6. Nancy says:

    Querida Heidi, lo siento mucho. My condolences to you and Regis. I hope that each day that passes helps your hearts heal just a little more. Thank you for sharing this, perhaps others that are going through the same will find comfort in your words. Les mando un grande abrazo y besos.

  7. Nannette says:

    Dear Heidi,
    We’ve lived through a very similar experience a long time ago and my thought are with you!!
    I can tell you that the pain takes a place though it never leaves.
    But yes, laugh and live again. Life wil be good again!
    Good luck
    xx

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